How do I make transition of my son moving in with us easier on my boyfriend?
I have a 7 year old son from a previous relationship who lived with his dad for the first 18 months of our relationship. Although we are not yet married, we have lived together for 15 months and we plan to marry at some point. We also plan on having more children. We have a fantastic and very healthy relationship, and I know I am lucky as a single parent to have had the opportunity to build a relationship with just the two of us for such a long time.
My son did visit often, and stay with us on school breaks, etc. He is now living with us full time. My boyfriend is handling it very well, he's very warm, loving, and affectionate and genuinely wants to build a relationship with my son. However, life has been stressful lately financially and at work, and he's a bit overwhelmed.
In addition, my son is on some hardcore seizure medications which make him act loopy and out of it often. He's not a bad kid, but he is pretty intense (partly personality, partly the meds).
How do I make this transition easier on him? I always take initiative to get up when my son wakes early in the morning, I get him ready for school, etc. trying to take some of the pressure off... What else can I do to make things seem less stressful at home? How do I encourage his efforts without going overboard and further overwhelming him?
Any men out there been through similar situations? What helped you through it???
I'd also like to mention that my son is doing very well. While he is still getting used to the idea of sharing his mom with someone else, both my boyfriend and I are very aware that this is an adjustment period for him as well, and are sensitive to his emotional needs. We spend time as a family, and I spend one on one time with my son often. My boyfriend also gets one on one time with him. Please don't assume that I care more about my boyfriends feelings than my son's!
Damien Lee and Aleena May's
Shouldn't you be asking for advice on how to make the transition easier for your SON?
Jeez.
Do your own thinking.
"How do I make this transition easier on him?"
I would not go out of my way to do so. If you are going to have more children with this man, a seven-year-old he knows moving in is a cakewalk compared to a newborn. I would consider throwing him even more into it, so to speak, because
"I always take initiative to get up when my son wakes early in the morning, I get him ready for school, etc. trying to take some of the pressure off..."
may not serve him well in the long run. If he is to play a father role to your son he should be able to do simple things like get him off to school. Consider that the more capable he feels with this boy, the less stressed he will be.
skrewzieq
Honestly...I don't think you should do anything more than you are already doing. If you go out of your way to make it as easy as possible on him...you are setting yourself up for failure. The situation is what it is. Your son has whatever medical/personality issues he has...whether you soften the blow or not. Let the man find a way to manage the stresses that come with parenthood. Don't assume that he needs you to make everything ok for him. I have worked with disabled people for my entire adult life, and for the past 9 years I have done so right in my own home.
Living with a person who has special needs is stressful, but very rewarding. My husband handles it wonderfully. We didn't get married thinking that one day we would have two developmentally disabled women, and a physically handicapped baby in our house one day...but that's where we are. And...while I can't say it isn't hard to handle at times...I can say that my husband always handles it. He doesn't run scared. He doesn't avoid dealing with it. He faces the challenges that come with the special needs of our ladies head on...and I find that he is often better equipped to keep the proper perspective on a situation than I am...and I'm the one who is technically their caregiver. I'm the one who contracted to the agency to be their caregiver.
Your boyfriend will either be able to handle it or he won't. If he can't handle it...its much better that you find out now...than after you have children with him...who may or may not have the same issues that your son has. Be the kind of mom you are and let your son be who he is...and see how the guy handles it. Either he's got the stuff or he doesn't. Either way...you won't find out unless you let him really experience the realities of life with a special needs child.
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